Other times I am convinced it's a shambolic fluke. Full of chaos and coincidence, life and death at random and without meaning or result.
And then there is a third option - that it is either both of these things at the same time - or neither.
I am quite certain whatever the 'answer', it shall not be known to myself or anyone, not ever. For it must be incomprehensible. That is the nature of eternity.
And that, in itself, in it's own way, I find somewhat comforting and on occasion, thrilling.