Category: Dark

The Lifetime Survivor’s Club

10/12/2017

Sometimes I burst out in tears
Life breaks me
I’m a big enough man to admit that

My vulnerability
Does not limit me

It unburdens
Like a release valve
A restorative soul salve

It seems

I have a susceptibility to suffering
Sensitivity to constriction
An aversion to tradition amplified by
A predilection to co-dependency and addiction

It’s never ending
Bending over black words
Blue moods
Frayed nerves
Feeling disturbed
Solemn, submerged
Sort of like slowly
Sinking
Slow burning

Too much thinking
Excessive entanglements
Periodic heavy drinking
Anything to escape, suppress
The murkiness, the mess
That surrounds me
Almost drowns me

Only so many metaphors
For depression

Not an easy lesson
Try not to stab myself with the biro
Not to sink below minus zero
Cold appeasement
Self withdrawal
Better treatment
An overhaul

It may sound like I’m being dramatic
Making it sound harsh and tragic
But this is no exaggeration

Yet neither am I an aberration
It gets us all
It just feels like I feel it more than many

Often and intensely
A darkness with density
A hereditary propensity
To spiral

Continually recovering
From some weird new affliction

Self discovery
Through trial and error

Over time
Acclimatised
To some degree
To this world
In all it’s melancholic splendour

An venerable
If temporary
Member
Of the Lifetime Survivor’s Club

Sharing the dubious honour
Of upholding and abiding by

The valour of surrender

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Surrender To Your Soul

2/4/2017

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I have an idea
I have a thought
I have certain feelings
That could never be bought

I can imagine
I can mind bend
Create unique concepts
That help me transcend

Everyday life
Is one thing
But don't be limited to that
Let your thoughts come alive
Mould your own habitats

I say to you
Like I would've said to myself
When I was younger
If I could have

I say to you
You are born full of treasure
Full access is yours
Limitless, amazing realms to discover
As your life gently occurs

They teach you all kinds of things
On the outside
Tools they believe you will need
As some of it is useful
To help you to grow and to succeed

But the best stuff
My dear friends
Nobody else can ever reveal
It resides deep inside you
A gold mine
Boundless in vitality and value

How to access?
Well, that is for you to figure out
But the most important thing is first
To trust, to believe in yourself
Not to doubt

Heed what I am saying
For over a long life
I have discovered
Innate wisdom
A fine kingdom
Far beyond crude limitations of
Categories and egoism
Far beyond learnt narrations of
Simple glories and competition
Beyond everyday callings
Real world obligations
Physical longings
Daily frustrations

I'm talking
A whole new paradigm
The infinite, soulful magic
That awaits to be born from your mind

It is there
It is yours
To uncover and to find

So seek, search, strive
To satiate your hunger
For something bigger, greater, truer
More pure, better designed
No matter how obscure it may seem
Don't mind
The most amazing thing you will ever know
Is the magnificence of your authentic light

And the ironic truth is
That finding your way through the blackest darkness
Is the way that you will find it
So fear not
And forge forward

Trust, seek, surrender
To your soul
And where it leads

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Shadowy Reflections

6/1/2017

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I was thinking about what I wrote yesterday. About sharing my vulnerability here in my art blog. One of the reasons I include posts like that is because they come up, they write themselves and I feel no need to sublimate or hide them. But, I wondered, later, is it a good thing to include stuff like that - that is a bit of a downer?

And, yes, I decided, it is important to balance the good with the bad. It is utmost important (to me) to be real and raw. That is what this forum is for. What I chose to spend time and energy on. I feel it is worthwhile.
There is too much image, cover up, misrepresentation around. Truth gets shouted over, veiled, manipulated.

Fuck that, I say.
The more real you are with yourself, and with those around you, the more authentic a life you will lead. And what point fake? Foggy? Clouded? Things are challenging enough as they are.

One of my primary goals with these writings is to be honest and fearless. Share my heart, bare my soul. Having made it to fifty five, so far, I feel like I can be of humble service to my fellow beings by opening up, revealing. We like authenticity, we crave it, need it, need it bad.
The journey is a long one and anything that can illuminate, expound upon, reveal honest sentiments and experiences that will assist us in our voyage is a good thing.

There is not point in me just crapping on about the good stuff. Sharing victories, flaunting my art, preaching poetically about the wonders of creativity - as magnificent as they are. We all need some mustard, spice, charred flavours, too. The underside, the mystery, the murky confusion, the fog - for we live there, too. On the downside, the dark side. It is nothing to fear. Not really. Not nearly as much as we tend to anyway.
None of this is news, it's just off-the-top-of-my-head though sharing.

I'm an ordinary guy. I am complex. Sometimes, I am troubled, lost, destabilised by circumstance. I'm the same as all of us. But I want to speak, I want give voice to the howling wind in the sudden storms, I want to find words for the turgid waves that crash against our row boat souls and throw us to and fro, without mercy, relentlessly at times. I want to make sense of the senseless, throw light on the bleak, put a tattered blanket around the shivering frame of the fragile universal soul during times of stress and spiky challenge.

To make it though the gauntlets of my own, I want to reflect on the twists, recount the harrowing falls and summit attempt failures, give solace to the exhausted, the weary, the injured elements that reside within us. I am no hero, but maybe, if I never give up, I can close my eyes for the final time with a meek and fragile smile of victory knowing that not only did I withstand the best that fate could hurl at me but that I fucking chewed it up and spat it out, mouth bloody, teeth shattered, face blackened, but like I said, smiling faintly, completely spent, ready to release my sword, drop my pen and fall into the roaring silence.

Ho, ho. I do have fun with words. They give me access to a higher power, a taste of wonder which we all share, a single strand with which to connect to our universal connectedness.

Let me be clear then. I embrace it all. I have reached the point where I can clearly see that to do so is the only way. Be immersed but unattached. Sounds like a paradox. Fittingly.

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The Lifetime Survivor’s Club

Surrender To Your Soul

Shadowy Reflections

ART GETS ME HIGH

Author & Artist

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The Lifetime Survivor’s Club

Surrender To Your Soul

Shadowy Reflections

﻿ART ﻿﻿﻿GETS ME﻿ ﻿﻿HIGH﻿

﻿﻿Author & Artist﻿﻿

Archives

Categories

ART GETS ME HIGH

Author & Artist