But wait. Who is to say what has meaning and what doesn't? And who knows where certain paths will lead if one is not bold or foolhardy enough to embark down them without prior knowledge of their end point?
OK. So the first statement is untrue.
Good. I have made a statement and then contradicted it immediately.
Life is made up of drama. We need drama. We seek drama. We are addicted to drama.
What's another word for drama?
What is it that draws us to observing - and becoming involved in - conflict?
Conflict is the pairing of two opposing forces against each other in battle until there is one winner or at least a resolution.
So there is struggle, intensity, anticipation, anxiety, stress, entanglement and friction.... and this builds and builds.... until it is resolved.
And this resolution is extremely satisfying. It is indisputable. There is a victor and a loser. One side wins, the other concedes - by choice or through being overpowered. And with the all the emotions and entanglements that it evoked are calmed and dissipated.
And that process - the process - is about throwing things in the air/in the blender/in the water - and seeing what will happen.
It's letting destiny take it's course. It's creating an event. It's an experiment, a test, a trial.
And, we, as humans, love that shit. We can't get enough.
Relationships, sports, combat, war, racing.... all that stuff. All the same thing.
Dynamic existence. Growth through conflict. Evolution through engagement.
It's part of our make up. Our DNA. Drama Now Already! We are all calling out for consciously or subconsciously.
So, what am I saying? Why am I writing about this in my art blog?
Well, as pacifist and a generally serene individual I tend to believe that I try to avoid drama. And I do. But lately I have come to realise that is completely unavoidable.
It will find you. No matter what.
Not only that but as soon as one thing is resolved and put to bed, another will jump up in it's place. This is true even in the most peaceful and simple lifestyles.
I am writing about it because I have been observing it in my daily life over the last few months and thinking about it... trying to come to terms with it.
My goal is/was to try and make my life as 'undisturbed' and 'undisturbing' as possible - so that I can concentrate on creating new things as well as just enjoying simple living. But there is so much that is beyond one's control. And the potential conflicts are never ending.
Every time you venture out. When you stay at home. A comment from someone. A stranger's voice or laugh or choice of conversation at the cafe. Some one on their mobile in the library. Selfish dog walkers on the beach not respecting the rules.... etc, etc...
Aaaghhhrrr! Sometimes I want to scream. And I consider myself to be pretty mellow. Am I hyper sensitive? What's going on?
So, I have realised now - it will never end. There will always be irritations. Conflict. Challenge. There is absolutely no escape. To wish for it is futile. Some things cannot be changed.
What's needed is patience, acceptance, surrender. And more than ever. At times I even consider getting involved in the demanding lifestyle of mainstream society again... if it's going to be difficult anyway - why not jump back in the deep end and go back to hand-to-hand combat?
But, no. It's not for me. I'll stick with the monsters I know. The ones I create. The ones I meet by chance. The ones that surprise me. I'll keep dealing with them - as I live day to day in my artist's way - writing, making art, conjuring up plays, TV series ideas, movies, comics - as I sit in the local cafe or walk along the sandy shore or retreat to the sanctuary of my bedroom in the share house I'm in.
Bring it on, I say. I've got this far ...on the road to nowhere. I've dealt with what has come and I'll deal with what's to be. Like us all. We just keep fighting new monsters.