Everything I write is one of a few things:
1.) The re-telling of a memory.
2.) An explanation of a recent bump in my perception.
3.) A spontaneous expressive word play (aka poem).
4.) There's probably a fourth thing but I can't think of it right now.
What these things are for me:
1.) Taking what I recall of an experience from the past and shaping it into a small story that makes sense. It is based on what happened and I am not making any of it up, but is surely, by the nature of any such recounting, not only highly edited and subjective, but biased (in one way or another) and bears only a fleeting resemblance to what actually occurred. But that doesn't matter. Because, I was there, I experienced the situation and the retelling for me is a series of triggers to activate a kind of re-living, re-visiting of the circumstances and events with the new element of distance, abstraction and hindsight. Over the course of decades of living there are a number of experiences that stand out as worth sharing for whatever reason. Doing so, in a way, unburdens my mind, unleashes them from my memory bank while at the same time brings them back to life temporarily to be dusted out, shaken, aired, lightly polished, then repositioned on the shelf or mantlepiece.
2.) When I share my perceptions, it is an opportunity for me to give these new feelings and thoughts an anchor in reality. Give them a space to exist outside my mind. It allows me to explain myself to myself so that I can then think about myself from the vantage point of a detached self which allows me insight into my insights. Trippy, I know. But, for me, trippy is a really good thing. Good trippy, anyway. Not bad trippy.
3.) Poems are loose, fun, in the moment expressions using words, meter, bounce, imagery, feeling and dynamics. They are like making music in silence. It is riffing, it is jazz. You record it, but you don't own it. The greatest part of writing poems is the process. Sometimes, too, re-reading them makes you feel in tune, funky, happy, smart, bohemian...
What these things are for you:
1.) Stories. You inhabit my headspace and get a vision of an event that occurred. There is no doubt, however, that the way it is playing out in your mind's eye and the way it plays in my mind are probably very, very different. And, the way it actually happened - different again. So what is happening for you is that you are being pinged, activated in certain ways by certain elements but they are based on your own world view and set of experiences, perceptions and not mine. There is likely to be some crossover but it is minimal and not important anyway. What you are looking for is stimulation and insight. If the story is well told, based upon an actual event (or memory of one), and you can relate to certain elements of it, then you will feel satisfaction, activation.
2.) In reading about my recounting of something noticeable in my perception, you will be able to absorb and filter the information to inform and expand your own world view. If it is something that is of relevance to your current state, then it will be a useful, perhaps refreshing new perspective. If it is not directly related to, or relatable by, you, then you will find it interesting, boring, amusing or confusing. Still, if it is new to you, you may not need to judge it, just absorb and carry on; it's relevance and impact may become apparent at a latter time.
3.) Poems are strange things. They are kind of like arrows. Once in a while one hits the bulls eye. Most of time they just go flying off into open space, landing randomly, to be later picked up of the ground with a grunt from the shooter.
So, what I am saying, here, really is:
There is me. The person writing this. But that person is in no way definable by what is written. Yes, it originates from the mind of me, but that part of the mind is only a small aspect of me. And even when I say 'me', I only use the term in the most basic of ways. Me is what I inhabit in order to exist. Me is what I use to travel to other countries. Me demands that I eat, breathe, keep safe, shit, sleep. Me sometimes delights itself in any number of ways. Me sometimes spooks me. Me is a million times more than what I am able to present in these forums. Me is undefined and undefinable. A work in progress. I, aside from the obvious, have less and less attachment to me.
So that is why I am explaining this to YOU.
Because I have become aware of the inter-changeability of me and you. I am talking to you, ostensibly, but I am actually talking to me. YOU are absorbing these words right now but what they are doing for you in actually unknowable to me. That is because I am fully busy just deciphering my own experience and perceptions. So, with the experiences and bias and subjective absorption through which you filter everything, the gap between me and you is as great as the universe. And yet at the same time, there is no gap at all.
So, what I was saying at the beginning of this piece about not knowing me from reading this stuff is essentially true - even if only because - none of us are truly knowable - not even to ourselves - what I am really saying is that what you are coming to know better through reading and sharing in my words and concepts - is yourself.
And you are seeing your version of me - which is, and can only be, you.
Weird, huh. But I am writing this. Correct. But only as a tiny contribution to the massive ethos of our ever expanding communal consciousness. Only cause I feel like it. Only because I am compelled to by the universal spirit of which we are all a part, and all contribute to in our own unique and crazy, cute ways.