It's what we are. Organisms. Complex, evolving creatures. Pulsating, vibrating, muscle mass with skeletal structure. Electric impulses and high functioning organs.
Plonked out onto the earth of the planet from between our mother's legs, from dark to light, oozing and screaming - the journey begins. And it just keeps getting weirder.... I think it's true of most of us that you just can't think about it all too much for too long without getting over mesmerised. The colossal conundrum of the corporeal experience. Using what you can pick up along the way, we fumble through, sometimes in glory with grace and precision, other times as mindless neanderthals, myopic goons. Most of the time as sensitive, sentient beings doing our best to cope with input overload and real world demands. Wherever you are on the spectrum, at this moment, my fellow human, I feel for you. It's not easy. Not for any of us. It's a challenge. Existence. To exist is to struggle. Accept this and go from there. Along the way, find and share love, as much as you can, and you'll die happy, pass in peace. And that day is coming - so until then - keep squirming! Made friends with this dude through facebook. He posts his new paintings periodically and whenever there's a new one - like this - his latest - I get blown away. Can't quite put my finger on why I like them so much - but I do!
The artist's name is Mark Keilkucki and this painting is called 'Drifting'. His work is for sale and very reasonably priced I think. If I wasn't a povo artist and instead a wealthy collector, I'd be snapping them up with glee and relish. Have a look at his site and witness his fine form and style. There's one in particular that fully blows me away. See if you can guess which one it is. (Click on the image to link to Mark's site.) Ooohhh.... yes!
With goaty on your side, you can do anything. Imagine having those horns! Pretty cool, eh! And look how confidently he thrust that thumbs up. I feel better already. Sometimes all it takes is an imaginary mascot. I like the jacket, too. Comfortable chic. He looks well travelled. Like he'd visit LA quite often. Maybe SF every second time. Good old California. California It's somewhere that I felt drawn to since I was a young teen in Tokyo in the 70's. The 70's were a good decade for CA. Lots happening. I used to read Time, Esquire, DC comics, even Popular Mechanics - all fueled my infatuation with the mythical state of free expression. And movies, of course. There was no English language TV is Japan back then and even video was not invented (betamax did come out around the mid 70's - but not feature rentals for a while - certainly no big new release DVD shelves or movie downloading - we got a black and green screen Commodore PET in '77 - all of 10MB!). So, going to the theatre (were they showed films in the original English w Japanese subtitles) was an exciting, influential and heady experience for a fifteen year old skipping school and hanging out in Shibuya. I didn't first visit California till I was 29. But since then I have been back over a dozen times. The last time, I was there, five years ago, for 6 months, I considered living there - in LA. There was plenty going for it but I ultimately realised that I am too connected to Australia, it's people, nature, way of life and beaches to swap for American style. My heart is here. If I was born there, I am sure I would have thrived and loved it. Of course, I look forward to my next LA visit - plenty to like about it - Venice, Melrose Ave, driving the freeways, the comedy clubs, Book Soup, Urth Caffe, the Santa Monica Public Library.... But I don't need a Green Card - I've got me parking pass for down Bondi Beach - she'll be right..! How much control do we have over who we are and what we do? On some levels, it feels like we are in command and make choices from free will. But there are so many factors that influence our decision making... our past, our social conditioning, our parents, our physical needs, our mental predispositions and body chemistry. Most of the time, I think, we are just reacting - to circumstance, urges, outside demands and expectations, emotion...
For our own sanity, peace of mind, we build a suitable story around our existence, past and present, and fit decisions, experiences, interactions and outcomes into a prefabbed mould that we are comfortable with. It is a survival mechanism. A way to cope. In truth, we are fictionalising events. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this but I am extemporaneously contemplating possible alternatives. Nobody likes to be trapped. But the worst trap is to be trapped by yourself. By yourself and beyond your control. Addictions, depression, OCD... to some degree we all experience these. How to gain control - or non-control - liberation? I don't believe it is something you do - like a step by step guide. I think it something that you strive for little by little, each day, quietly and within yourself. Questioning, meditating, practicing healthy behaviour, struggling with humility and grace. You never 'get there' but your journey is elevated through discipline and application, focus. What does this mean in real terms? I think it means to strive to see, express and experience truth and purity. To be humble and grateful, to see the miracle all around us - beyond it's raggedy, common form, to connect with 'the great awesome' - what Indian and Aboriginal tribes did for so many centuries - connect with nature - human nature and gaia with a mindfulness, respect and importantly an all embracing joy. Ahah! One thing to say all this. But how? I don't know exactly. I'm certainly not mr guru. I'm a guy down in the trenches. But for me doing art helps. And having warm, honest connections with people. Going to the ocean and immersing my body after a walk and a stretch each day. Eating fruit and veges. Reading. Noticing the beauty around me... Oh, and playing poker. Whatever wisdom you get in life, you pay for it. We make choices, we make mistakes, we learn. We grow wiser and move on. Whatever you circumstances are, it's the same for everyone. Life is a series of struggles and triumphs, big and small (and size is relative and subjective).
I was playing poker at Harbord last night across the table from a group of 20 year olds. It was fun. They were full of beans, joking around, almost jittery. Like pups. And there I sat, an ex-twenty year old. One who has travelled long and far and seen and done many things they are yet to know. I really felt it last night for some reason. The boys were polite and reverential and not bad players. It was a prolonged final table, with two of them versus me at the end. I kept steady and watchful, used my experience to guide me to victory. It was satisfying and felt fitting. The real joy I got was not in winning, though, it was in the interaction. The poker table is a great place for character to be revealed. I re-watched Mel Gibson's 'Apocalypto' the other night for the third time. I do believe it is a masterpiece of sorts. It's a dynamic, thrilling film about the eventual demise of the Mayan tribes in the rain forests. Made me think about tribal living, the basics of family, community, friendship, honour. How fragmented we are in this modern society. No big campfires with elders espousing their wisdom, no man vs nature trials of initiation, etc. Of course, there are plenty of great things about living in this present civilisation, but when watching this film, one can't help but to long for deeper, truer connections with nature and fellow beings. They said it would happen but, to be honest, I didn't believe it. I mean I was like a princess! Cavorting around, drunk on my own beauty, getting praised and envied and lusted after! It was more that just a night to be remembered - it was a night I will never forget. And I knew I was gonna get laid. It was in the bag. I had choices! Rich guys, good looking guys, rich good looking guys, sexy scientists (only one, but still), exotic billionaires from countries I hadn't ever heard of...! The list goes on. I would write it all down. Except I don't HAVE ANY FUCKING HANDS!
I was supposed to be in ecstasy right now! Maybe even married to a prince or a sultan or something. Yeah they told me about this - warned me that after the clock strikes 12 - if I wasn't home - but come on! - scare mongering, stupid superstitions, jealous lies... by 10pm and six champagnes I had completely forgotten about it all together. By 11pm I had danced with my dream partners, pashed a barman, had lines in the toilet with an Armanian rapper while being fondled by his girlfriend.... the list goes on. Who had brain space to remember some dumb fairy tale caution...?? I was living the life, baby! But midnight did come. And suddenly. And now here I am. Can you believe it? And I'm not the only one. Some of the others have been here forever. One old lady told me that I should pray to be taken and eaten by a peasant or a passing family. At least that way I won't be left to rot! How could this happen??? OMG. And then they told about a time, once a year, when some of us get picked out and taken and carved up. I didn't believe things could get any worse. But I was wrong! They're going to completely gut me and carve my face?! I was a world class beauty! Famous! A princess! What the hell happened to my dress by the way? I can't move. Why do I get the feeling it's lying in the dirt behind me or somewhere? And my boobs? They were pert and perky. Primetime nipples. Oh, oh, oh. What a waste of perfection. I hate fucking fairy tales. Curse the motherfuckers who thought this one up. Couldn't they just leave me alone. I was having the night of my life. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I don't even like orange! It sucks! Couldn't I be pink at least?! Shit. And I'm fat! Go, go. Leave me... boo hoo...! - sob - The cycle of life. Little kids we were once. Now we are grown. What a surprise life continues to be. Life continues to be and we go along with it. Everything changing, little by little. We hardly notice. Until we look back and see just how far we have come. Those two little kids. You and me. And now the honour is ours, the responsibility to nurture kids of our own. To teach them to love and to live with open hearts and open minds. And they in return bring us joy unsurpassed. They fill our heart and our lives with the essence of life. For they are us and we are them. Loving and loved. How lucky we are.
I believe that as an artist it is important to try and find joy wherever and whenever you can. For some reason, most artists tend to be prone to bouts of melancholia. They seem unavoidable. When these come, I ride them out as best I can by doing things I know will bring some degree of relief - walking, swimming in the ocean, reading, watching a movie (or these days; TV series).
But when in just regular existence mode, I really try and enjoy the simple fact of being alive. I look around, I am curious, I especially try and see/find things that are weird and funny, ironic and beautiful. And why not? Every moment is a chance to be shaped - if you can - you may as well take the initiative and zestfully inject a positivity hit into it. This helps balance the sobering, periodic afflictions of depression. It's all one long, wild fucking ride. A crazy dream. A breathtaking story written by a genius of nonsense and grandeur. So, do it, I say. Dance, dance, dance. When I was a little kid I was really fascinated by seahorses. When I first discovered their existence I was quite dumbfounded. I could not believe they really existed. The world felt magical, full of mysteries and delightful anomalies.
We lived near the bush, on the edge of a national park in Wahroonga back in the sixties and we would always be down the creek or climbing the rocks or exploring. It was a wonderful few years. I recall a kinship with gumtrees, kookaburras, tadpoles, small waterfalls, dirt and sticks... At school I really loved playtime. Playing with other kids was just so thoroughly enjoyable to me. I wished we could play all the time. I was pretty good at pegging rocks. That was a big thing around the age of 8 and 9. A couple of us concentrated on honing our skills - distance and accuracy both attention worthy. Also the game with the four squares and the tennis ball. Fantastic! Playing truly delighted me. At times I was giddy with enthusiasm and joy while playing a new game outside - like chasings or marbles. Recollecting now, as I write, I can remember the simple, intense happiness that I sometimes felt. Phew. It was beautiful, blissful. I had no idea at all really, what life was going to be like - no concept of anything other than the pure aliveness of a kid. Firecrackers, slippery dips, buying a mixed bag of lollies - freckles, milkbottles, frogs - going to other kid's houses to play, new kids moving in next door or across the road maybe with a dog or two, ad-libbed games on the street with other kids until sunset.... And seahorses. Seahorses. I was glad to live in a world that included the seahorse. Timeless, ethereal - we currently exist in 2013 but we also exist in many other times concurrently. In memory, in fantasy, in imagination, and etherealy -in past lives.
These 'modern' times seem to polarise - on one hand the reality is more demanding - an incredible amount of time and energy is needed just to make enough to stay ahead of the constant economic demands of daily living costs - food, shelter, transport, etc. On the other hand, escape is much more readily available and sophisticated. The net, of course, plus games, TV, and all the other media. What this does is constrict us as sentient beings. We don't have the time to follow our natural inclination to daydream. Of course - we still do it - but in a curtailed manner. The constant demands of reality and/or the calling of slick entertainment - 'prepackaged, corporate daydreaming' - are not allowing us to explore our psyches, our delicate subconscious levels as fully as we should/could. This results in a stunted growth in awareness/spirituality. Of course, it's not too bad - we are industrious beings. Despite these structural constraints we still manage to eke out enough fulfilling moments - through exercise time, interpersonal interactions, pre-sleep time, etc. But, I believe, we would be better served to have more time for consideration, contemplation and random extrapolation. You need to do a whole lot of daydreaming to come up with the really good ideas. To hit on important truths and essential, refined belief systems you've got to put in the time - and it can't be in front of a TV or the computer. Quiet time, mediation, doing something in the arts - these serenity pursuits are valuable and rewarding and should be acknowledged as the precious privilege that they are. Be the hero of your own consciousness, mount that wild horse and gallop into the unknown regions of your mind and spirit! Choose your own pace. Life isn't a race.
You can rush around. Here and there. Doing this doing that. Or you can take it easy, be real cruisy, meander, just be. Both these choices are acceptable, or something inbetween. Saw this dude hanging out the top of Oxford Street the other arvo.
'Can I take your picture?', I asked. 'Why, certainly!,' he responded in a chipper voice. He was taller than your average koala and not up a tree which was interesting. Also he was wearing a suit. But what I found most interesting is - no tie. And yet his white shirt was buttoned to the top. Had he taken it off and put it in his pocket or did he have no intention at all of wearing one that evening? I couldn't really ask him because I only know two sentences in koala. The one I used - and 'Have you fallen?' Back to reality: When I was nine we lived on the (then) outskirts of Sydney in the suburb of Wahroonga. Our place was on the edge of a gigantic national parkland. For a while we had a koala in one of the gum trees in our back yard. He didn't do much and was self sufficient with his leaves, eating, sleeping and tripping out - as they are want to do. Content is the word I would use to describe him. And maybe cute. I didn't actually ever use the word cute until we moved to Tokyo a year later. In Tokyo the word cute- 'kawaii' - is used often, very often. Even I was called it. The cute ten year old white boy with his two kawaii brothers. Kawaiiiiii! Cute as a couple of koalas! It was a holiday today, so the cafe at Bondi was busy. Usually by the time I arrive on a weekday arvo, around three, the place is mostly empty. I have two favourite positions at the big square communal table - and usually I have a choice of either.
Not today. A young couple had to get up from the bench seat so I could move past them to take position on the corner end of the bench. It suited me fine - I did some good works - the above pic included - and as I was working over the course of two hours or so, I got to observe the mannerisms and listen to the conversations of three seperate groups of people. Nothing in particular to report, it was just a different kind of experience. It did make me appreciate the usual non-busyness I can enjoy most of the time. And also, I guess, I noticed that I am happy to be the quiet guy doing my thing in the corner and not part of a group chatting away. Lately I have been realising that I have been around, on the planet, for a substantial period. Over fifty years. It really has only recently dawned on me that this is so. Part of me still believes I am in my twenties or thirties. Not a bad thing. I did have a thought the other day, that I thought would be good to write about. The thinking was I would ask myself some 'big', pertinent questions about my life choices and proceed to answer them spontaneously and honestly. It would be interesting to see what is revealed. First question I thought of was - 'How come you don't have children?' Well, good question, Lewie. Let me answer you as truthfully as I can with candour and frankness. I'll try to refrain from being earnest because I don't really like the word much. Stop stalling. OK. I have been out with some wonderful girls/women. I probably could have/would have/should have had kids with - let me count - 2,3,4 - yeah - maybe four of them. Three for sure, anyway. But I didn't. Why not? Well, we broke up. Why did we break up? The timing wasn't right, I suppose. I was in my thirties - I dunno, I am a restless soul - I don't have that 'settle down' gene. At that time I thought there'd be plenty of time - up ahead, you know - but here I am 52 suddenly and - oops - forgot to have kids. I love kids. I've got my two godsons, seven and ten, who I love with all my heart and would give my life for. They are so important to me - precious, precious souls. I am lucky that their mum is my best friend and that we all spend heaps of time together. Some times I think it's possible that I don't have kids of my own because I don't need to - I can give my godsons 100%. It also suits me because I am a free spirit and I am not obligated to be a full time parent which might dampen my enthusiasm - but not lessen my love, of course. I have the utmost respect and admiration for good parents. I have observed closely the dedication and sacrifice involved - and the wonderful reward - and I tip my hat. This honesty is challenging for me and I am tempted to stop. I feel somewhat confronted. Why would I want to express my true feelings and thoughts like this? On a blog for heaven's sake?! One called Art Gets Me High!!!!! Am I tripping? LOL Ah, fuck it! Nothing to be scared of. I almost never share my feeings any other time or way - so what the hell! It's healthy to let em out sometimes. And we are all human. We are all vulnerable. Truth can heal. I'm not going to write any more for now or even re-read what I've said. I'm just going to post it and watch a few more eps of 'Justified' (season 3) on the computer and have a coffee - even though it is 1:17am. Justified, yeah. I hope this has been. Eek! |
ART GETS ME HIGHAuthor & ArtistLewie JPD Archives
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