At the moment things are challenging. I could not have devised a stranger scenario and set of occurrences if I tried - and I am a trained and experienced screenwriter. In some ways my situation is such a cosmic joke that I am forced to go beyond the frustration, wipe away the tears and shake my head in surrender.
I don't find it funny right now, because I am living through it and having to deal with a series of uncomfortable, weird and confronting issues - completely unanticipated - but one day, one day, I might laugh at the cosmic irony of it all.
Allow me to say that none of it is life threatening. Although there have been moments during this period when I have questioned the value of existence because of seemingly unfair, harsh turns in reality and their effect on my life view and psyche. I have considered all options - including leaving the planet. But a series of mandatory reevaluations like this - especially when random and enforced - like big storms - can be cleansing and character building. Which is not to say that living through them is easy or pleasant. It ain't.
I am being compelled to make the best of what I have left, on a day to day basis, and accept that some of the things and customs that I enjoyed and valued, appreciated and was accustomed to, have been taken away and/or altered beyond my control. I am in effect, left no option but to deal with the situation as it stands.
On the positive side, it won't last forever. I do foresee things improving. They must! But how and when - well, I have to just wait and see. In the meantime, I will dearly cling to what I still have: my health, my daily art practice, freedom to move about... essentially, enough to survive - enough that I don't completely lose it or fall to pieces.
I am going through it alone. It's a bad trip. But there are moments of serenity and surrender. Gratitude, even, for what I have got. For what's left is still plenty. It's all about perspective and release. These challenges are making me a better man. It's not the way I would choose to do it but it is the way it is happening. I accept. With a shrug and a shake of the head in disbelief, I accept and move along, taking it as it comes. It's all I can do.
I don't find it funny right now, because I am living through it and having to deal with a series of uncomfortable, weird and confronting issues - completely unanticipated - but one day, one day, I might laugh at the cosmic irony of it all.
Allow me to say that none of it is life threatening. Although there have been moments during this period when I have questioned the value of existence because of seemingly unfair, harsh turns in reality and their effect on my life view and psyche. I have considered all options - including leaving the planet. But a series of mandatory reevaluations like this - especially when random and enforced - like big storms - can be cleansing and character building. Which is not to say that living through them is easy or pleasant. It ain't.
I am being compelled to make the best of what I have left, on a day to day basis, and accept that some of the things and customs that I enjoyed and valued, appreciated and was accustomed to, have been taken away and/or altered beyond my control. I am in effect, left no option but to deal with the situation as it stands.
On the positive side, it won't last forever. I do foresee things improving. They must! But how and when - well, I have to just wait and see. In the meantime, I will dearly cling to what I still have: my health, my daily art practice, freedom to move about... essentially, enough to survive - enough that I don't completely lose it or fall to pieces.
I am going through it alone. It's a bad trip. But there are moments of serenity and surrender. Gratitude, even, for what I have got. For what's left is still plenty. It's all about perspective and release. These challenges are making me a better man. It's not the way I would choose to do it but it is the way it is happening. I accept. With a shrug and a shake of the head in disbelief, I accept and move along, taking it as it comes. It's all I can do.
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