Not today. A young couple had to get up from the bench seat so I could move past them to take position on the corner end of the bench. It suited me fine - I did some good works - the above pic included - and as I was working over the course of two hours or so, I got to observe the mannerisms and listen to the conversations of three seperate groups of people.
Nothing in particular to report, it was just a different kind of experience. It did make me appreciate the usual non-busyness I can enjoy most of the time. And also, I guess, I noticed that I am happy to be the quiet guy doing my thing in the corner and not part of a group chatting away.
Lately I have been realising that I have been around, on the planet, for a substantial period. Over fifty years. It really has only recently dawned on me that this is so. Part of me still believes I am in my twenties or thirties. Not a bad thing.
I did have a thought the other day, that I thought would be good to write about. The thinking was I would ask myself some 'big', pertinent questions about my life choices and proceed to answer them spontaneously and honestly. It would be interesting to see what is revealed.
First question I thought of was - 'How come you don't have children?'
Well, good question, Lewie. Let me answer you as truthfully as I can with candour and frankness. I'll try to refrain from being earnest because I don't really like the word much.
Stop stalling.
OK.
I have been out with some wonderful girls/women. I probably could have/would have/should have had kids with - let me count - 2,3,4 - yeah - maybe four of them. Three for sure, anyway. But I didn't. Why not? Well, we broke up. Why did we break up? The timing wasn't right, I suppose. I was in my thirties - I dunno, I am a restless soul - I don't have that 'settle down' gene. At that time I thought there'd be plenty of time - up ahead, you know - but here I am 52 suddenly and - oops - forgot to have kids.
I love kids. I've got my two godsons, seven and ten, who I love with all my heart and would give my life for. They are so important to me - precious, precious souls. I am lucky that their mum is my best friend and that we all spend heaps of time together.
Some times I think it's possible that I don't have kids of my own because I don't need to - I can give my godsons 100%. It also suits me because I am a free spirit and I am not obligated to be a full time parent which might dampen my enthusiasm - but not lessen my love, of course. I have the utmost respect and admiration for good parents. I have observed closely the dedication and sacrifice involved - and the wonderful reward - and I tip my hat.
This honesty is challenging for me and I am tempted to stop. I feel somewhat confronted. Why would I want to express my true feelings and thoughts like this? On a blog for heaven's sake?! One called Art Gets Me High!!!!! Am I tripping? LOL
Ah, fuck it! Nothing to be scared of. I almost never share my feeings any other time or way - so what the hell! It's healthy to let em out sometimes. And we are all human. We are all vulnerable. Truth can heal.
I'm not going to write any more for now or even re-read what I've said. I'm just going to post it and watch a few more eps of 'Justified' (season 3) on the computer and have a coffee - even though it is 1:17am.
Justified, yeah. I hope this has been. Eek!